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June 2, 2012

My First Six Sentence Sunday

      I chose a paragraph from from my work in progress The Mythical Male.  Basically, the main character -Ziki has grown up on an all female settlement on the moon and is seeing a man for the first time in her life after her pod crashed in his back yard.  Six Sentence Sunday -here we go!


She peeked around the sheltering tree to analyze the situation and saw the most unusual creature.  It had the general form of a human, but its chest was too flat and hairy, the hips on the creature were far too narrow, and it had an odd appendage between its legs.  As the strange being moved a towel away from its head, Ziki saw that it also had a too-wide jawbone covered in thick, dark stubble.  Despite the creature’s deformities and the risk surrounding its presence, she found it to be aesthetically pleasing. She suddenly realized that her favorite myth was standing just a few feet away and she was in even more danger than she thought. She looked for a quick escape.

 I welcome any (constructive) comments.  Full chapters-in-progress can often be found on critiquecircle.com as works to be critiqued.  Hopefully someday they will come together to be a published novel.  :)  Check out other writer's six sentences: just click the link under "My Pages".  One of these days I'll figure out how to add logos and links to this thing.

19 comments:

  1. Welcome to the fold. I hope you'll continue to join us for many more weeks.

    Nice six to start off with. Speaking as one with such "deformities" I hope Ziki soon realises that we're not so bad.

    Thanks for sharing.

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  2. "...and it had an odd appendage between its legs..."

    I have occasionally felt as overwhelmed by this odd appendage myself. Excellent six sentences!

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  3. Welcome to Six Sentence Sunday, Samantha! Wow, there's a lot of s's there :D

    Wonderful concept. Can't wait to see more!

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  4. Hi there! That was a great piece of setup description, and it made me wonder what 'myths of men' are being told on the moon! Thanks for sharing.

    Oh - and the captcha servers are giving us numbers to identify now. Wonderful. :(

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  5. This is a great idea for a story! I can't wait to see more!

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  6. This six pulls you right in... I want more!!!! Welcome to Six Sentence Sunday.

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  7. Welcome to SSS! You're off to a great start with these six! Vivid description! Nice job!

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  8. A living myth - awesome! This is a really excellent story concept.

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  9. Welcome. Interesting how you describe the differences. SSS has the best group of writers. enjoy!

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  10. lol I kinda liked how you described the human. Nice job!

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  11. First, your fish had me way to mesmerized. LOL Second, welcome to 6SS. You have a terrific snippet to start out with. I love how analytical this sounds, like a nature documentary. It's a great voice for this premise. I look forward to reading more of this WIP!

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  12. This was delightful! Fantastic SSS debut.
    (your blog doesn't seem to want to ID me correctly. This is Claire Gillian, btw in case it comes through as Anonymous or Lila Shaw like it's been showing me in the comment preview.)

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  13. Oh fun. You caught me. I love this! So sorry it's just a WIP and I can't buy it yet.

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  14. Welcome to SSS! Wonderful six to start with. So many ways this can spin.

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  15. Yes, welcome to SSS! I love that once she finds him pleasing she realizes she's in even more danger. Intriguing 6.

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  16. Oh, she's in danger all right! Loved this and can't wait to read more. Welcome to SSS!

    ~Joyce

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  17. Welcome to Six Sunday! Thanks for stopping by my website. Your character is dangerously curious!

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  18. Welcome to SSS! I'm very interested in the premise of your story and really want to hear some of the myths about that most peculiar creature.

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  19. Welcome to SSS, Samantha. I liked the premise of the tale. I'm surprised it took her that long to realize what she was looking at. I think I'd put the realization of "the myth" before the description to have the readers identify with her immediately. Nicely written six. :)

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